White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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