I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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