Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
