The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
