My Higher Power is John Stamos
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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