The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
