Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
