So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
