did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Dick very happy bro
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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