I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
