and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
