Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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