I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
