Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
