Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
