she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
