Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
