i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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