he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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