ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
