please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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