Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
