I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
