dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
