how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
