Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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