You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
