Just fell off a train. Bad.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The beer is more important than you right now.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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