i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
