haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
