Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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