I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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