We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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