I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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