the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
