Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
