You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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