Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He better not be in your backpack
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
