If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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