Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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