He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
