It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
