Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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