I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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