I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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