To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
