i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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