Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
