Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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