Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
