I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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