ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
